im sick to my stomach. i need to not eat anything unhealthy. i figure ill stay under 400 cals a day. for sure hopefully 300. ive had a really bad week. well not really bad. but just pretty bad. idk. everything seems to just spiral down so quickly in my life. and i make them do that. i make everyone mad at me. and im mean to my bf which makes him mad at me. i try so hard not to but i just cant help it. i really need to get my anger under controll. and my pill popping too. i just want to have a successful, healthy relationship. thats all i want. but am i capeable of that? huh? am i? no. im not. i cant be a NORMAL person. in any aspect of life.

Ive decided to do a liquid fast starting tonight at 12. Im gonna do just water. green tea. juice. and milk. At least 3 days. Then ill see how im feeling after that.... if anyone wants to join let me knoww... =D

im gonna go work out..

think thin



oo and did you know.. even Oprah once said "nothing tastes as good as being thin feels".. take it from one of the most amazzing, influential women in the world.

im officially about to OD on aleve... i took almost 3 times the amount im supposed to... i can feel a little but not really. I just had a really bad day and needed to calm my nerves.. i took a few too many i think. whatever.. i also ate soooooooooooooo much.. too much. coffee twice. a muffin. half a sandwich. and two donuts. oo shiit. talk about nasty ass fat lard. ya.. lets just say fast tommorrow.. im so fuuckiin depressed.. pathetic. and disgusting.

i honestly dont know whats wrong with me.. i get so mad about nothing and while im mad and being mean to whomever is the center of my anger i tell myself im not mad. and not to be mad. but i still am. and i hate it so much because i make other people mad when they didnt even do anything wrong. then they get mad and leave and it makes me sad. which makes me feel even worse.. so then i call and apologize for getting crazzy mad about something that wasent a big deal 5 minutes before. i really want to lock myself im my room. not eat. and sleep for the rest of my life. then i wouldnt hurt anyone else. and id waste away.. that would be wonderful.

today sucks.
i ate too much. and kept eating when i wasn't even hungry.
Then basically my boyfriend blew me off after school for some supposed "makeup" work. when ive been on his ass about doiin that damn stuff all month. and instead of taking the time to do it with me he stays and does it with the stupid teacher who has a tendency of screwing students. then. after that he has his friend call me to say that "theyre" ot gonna be able to pick me up like my bf does everyday. and he cant even call me his damn self. and he say "were not gona be able to pick you up" like im with both of them or somethig. youve got to be kidding me. AND yesterday he told me i was fat. not in those exact words but he said i need to get on the tredmill. Well thanks honey.. for all of your help. at least hes honest i guess. whateveer... im sooo damn pissed right now. i dot event want to be with him anymore. hopefully his stupid friend is enough for him cause im soo mad i thik im just gonna break it off.

today i ate like a fatt ass. so i probably havent lost weight.. but my weighing time is 7 so well see then.

TODAY I MET ANA AGAIN... I FOUND HER IN MY ROOM.. IN THE MIRROR... IT WAS SCARY SEEING HER AGAIN. BUT IM GLAD SHES BACK. AND I WILL BE LATER.. I ALWAYS AM.

STATS:
H:5'7




GOAL BY JUNE 22... LOTS OF WORK.. HERE I COME